Why We broke up and made up

“Until men and women have an open, honest and real conversation about who they are, what they want and what demons they are fighting, they will never truly understand each other”—Anon

We met through my friend who is his cousin. It was a surreal moment because imagine dating as a young mom. It felt like finally I have found the biggest break in life (let us not make it seem like relationships are not amazing things done with the right person, we all long for that, and we cannot help but feel attracted to people). Once I find a guy that I am attracted to, I do not even waste time, I go for him and that is exactly what I did.

Our relationship took off and it felt amazing. Although the distance between us was taking a toll on us, we made it work regardless. He would come to the city since I was renting somewhere around. However there were lil cracks made in our relationship because we never sat down and had open and real conversations. Out of the blue, we started fighting, not understanding each other’s love languages. Even the smallest thing would spark the hugest argument and we had found ourselves sleeping without a good night text or phone calls.

We broke up because we didn’t understand each other. We were trying so hard to mold each other into these ideologies what a perfect partner is. We fought because I wasn’t listening to him. We fought because he wasn’t listening to me. I remember telling him before we dated that I want to get married, so when I brought up the topic in our relationship, he put up a resistance and I went crazy. I lost my mind, I thought maybe he is here to waste my time, OMG!

He is a reserved man who really loves keeping to himself, I on the other hand am a loud outgoing woman. I didn’t know how to love and accept that he keeps to himself. He has the same expression for everything, even when he is happy, shame he would be having a straight face, I DIDN’T UNDERSTAND THAT!!! I would talk to him, and he would take his time to respond, me being me, I just didn’t understand why he would do that. Bongani also didn’t understand this loud mouth girl. He would try keep me quiet and tell me no, I’d throw a tantrum.

We got so tired of the constant fighting and we finally broke up!

For a good year we were apart!

Then one day, I texted him “baby if you are ready to make this work, come home”. Its as if he was waiting outside the door for the dragon to calm down. For the first time in my 27 years in this world, I found myself sitting across the table with a man I truly love and wanted to build a future with. We had an open relationship. We talked, laughed, cried and sat in silence together, for the first time since our relationship started in 2016.

We each had skeletons in our individual closets that we weren’t ready to speak of, but that day felt different. We opened the closet doors so wide and we each emptied them. The demons we were battling with were put on the table. It was at that very moment that I loved this man standing across me naked. We took away the clothes, the curtains, anything that covered any imperfections we each had and we started on a clean slate.

We were ready to love each other flaws and all. For the first time it actually did feel like we are suited for each other. We are tailor-made for each other and we actually started to see that by accepting each other. A noisy cheerful woman, made for a quiet reserved man. Kissing him today feels amazing. I guess we needed the break away from each other to actually appreciate the love we have for each other. The time apart was a form of reflection and growth. A time of self introspection. A time of self appreciation.

“I no longer believed in the idea of soul mates, or love at first sight. But I was beginning to believe that a very few times in your life, if you were lucky, you might meet someone who was exactly right for you. Not because he was perfect, or because you were, but because your combined flaws were arranged in a way that allowed two separate beings to hinge together.”

― Lisa Kleypas

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OMG! Mommy is Dating

Dating a single mother doesn’t mean you’ll be playing daddy… It just means you will be becoming part of a family and a role model to a child/children. If you aren’t ready to step up, then don’t step to her- The Gentlemen’s club

I am not going to lie, dating as a mother was the most difficult things I ever did in my life. I thought after I have my daughter, getting back into the dating scene will be easy and any man will see that I am a real woman. Oh boy was I wrong! I found myself giving up on the idea of love altogether, because somehow having a child has “degraded” your value as a woman worthy of love.

Until one day a friend of mine introduced me to her cousin and my world changed forever. He didn’t try wine or dine me to try win my heart, he was straight forward with me. I found a man who chose to be with me because he loved me, not because I bore him a baby. In his upfront approach to ask me to be his woman, he made a conscious decision to love me. I know that because I see his actions towards me. His random kisses, his care, the chivalrous actions towards me.

Like Ella Mai puts I needed somebody who would love me naked, someone whom I’d never ask to love me and someone who’d never ask for love too. Someone who’d will stick around after I have undressed, shown my flaws and seemed impossible to love because society said so. I found that man! If I had to go back and choose again, I would choose him over and over again because he opened up his heart to love me.

He is an introvert, I am an extrovert, I cannot begin to imagine how my life would be had he been as out going as I am. I feel like he brings to me a sense of balance, calmness and relaxation after I am done being mommy for the day. Sure, we have had our ups and downs, we have had our high highs and our low lows. I remember one time my daughter was hysterical and throwing tantrums when she was 3 years, I found myself asking him if he is ready for all that drama, because that’s what dating a mother means.

He played it so well, and in a calm voice he said that he is ready, because that’s what being a dad means too. He is also very understanding. For a mother, dating means that I won’t have time to be going out to every date or club, I will be tired to give him the attention because children are demanding. Somehow, He is very accepting of that fact. He even chooses PG dates that will accommodate the kids, while we also spend time together ❤

I urge all single mothers out there not to give up hope. Love will find you, in fact love finds you at the time that you least expect it. You will find the man that you have been praying for, word by word. A man who, regardless of y’all having a baby together, will treat the kids equally as his own. A man who will love you flaws and all. Love is a beautiful thing.

I know what I am talking about. I am the living testimony. I didn’t fall crazy in love and blindly in love, I had to be sane and open my eyes to see what I was getting myself into.

I’d choose you over and over again