OMG! Mommy is Dating

Dating a single mother doesn’t mean you’ll be playing daddy… It just means you will be becoming part of a family and a role model to a child/children. If you aren’t ready to step up, then don’t step to her- The Gentlemen’s club

I am not going to lie, dating as a mother was the most difficult things I ever did in my life. I thought after I have my daughter, getting back into the dating scene will be easy and any man will see that I am a real woman. Oh boy was I wrong! I found myself giving up on the idea of love altogether, because somehow having a child has “degraded” your value as a woman worthy of love.

Until one day a friend of mine introduced me to her cousin and my world changed forever. He didn’t try wine or dine me to try win my heart, he was straight forward with me. I found a man who chose to be with me because he loved me, not because I bore him a baby. In his upfront approach to ask me to be his woman, he made a conscious decision to love me. I know that because I see his actions towards me. His random kisses, his care, the chivalrous actions towards me.

Like Ella Mai puts I needed somebody who would love me naked, someone whom I’d never ask to love me and someone who’d never ask for love too. Someone who’d will stick around after I have undressed, shown my flaws and seemed impossible to love because society said so. I found that man! If I had to go back and choose again, I would choose him over and over again because he opened up his heart to love me.

He is an introvert, I am an extrovert, I cannot begin to imagine how my life would be had he been as out going as I am. I feel like he brings to me a sense of balance, calmness and relaxation after I am done being mommy for the day. Sure, we have had our ups and downs, we have had our high highs and our low lows. I remember one time my daughter was hysterical and throwing tantrums when she was 3 years, I found myself asking him if he is ready for all that drama, because that’s what dating a mother means.

He played it so well, and in a calm voice he said that he is ready, because that’s what being a dad means too. He is also very understanding. For a mother, dating means that I won’t have time to be going out to every date or club, I will be tired to give him the attention because children are demanding. Somehow, He is very accepting of that fact. He even chooses PG dates that will accommodate the kids, while we also spend time together ❤

I urge all single mothers out there not to give up hope. Love will find you, in fact love finds you at the time that you least expect it. You will find the man that you have been praying for, word by word. A man who, regardless of y’all having a baby together, will treat the kids equally as his own. A man who will love you flaws and all. Love is a beautiful thing.

I know what I am talking about. I am the living testimony. I didn’t fall crazy in love and blindly in love, I had to be sane and open my eyes to see what I was getting myself into.

I’d choose you over and over again

Securities

We all have self-doubt. You don’t deny it, but you also don’t capitulate to it. You embrace it. – Kobe Bryant

“I’m a combination between extreme insecurity and extreme confidence.” This is how I describe my personality to all those who ask me to tell them about myself. I have self-doubt. I have a fear of failure so bad that when I have to do something, I sometimes avoid it. There are days when I show up at work and I just want to chill. I wouldn’t want to adult or anything because wow I am feeling hopeless.

“The creative people I admire seem to share many characteristics: A fierce restlessness. Healthy cynicism. A real world perspective. An ability to simplify. Restraint. Patience. A genuine balance of confidence and insecurity. And most importantly, humanity.” David Droga. I believe that I am human going through my phases of I do not want to adult today because I feel inadequate.

I have come to accept that I am insecure. Insecure about my looks, insecure about my appearance, insecure about my educational background, insecure about my dark lil secrets. I have however stopped allowing my insecurities to get in the way of my happiness. I have confidently embraced myself as I
am, flaws and all. I believe I have my moments of insecurities and figuring out what I am doing, how I am supposed to do it and when, but if I don’t ask these questions I wouldn’t know how far I have pushed myself.

I fortunately have a positive attitude towards life and I believe it brings out the best. My anxiety, my insecurities and my fears need to know that as much as they sometimes cloud my mind, my tomorrow is promised and will be beautiful. I am really confident and fierce. However these aren’t traits I had naturally, these I picked and learnt to perfect over the years as I was growing older. I use my confidence to mask my insecurities and my doubts because I don’t want people knowing the real me.

What comforts me after all these feelings is what Debbie Ford once mentioned “An exciting and inspiring future awaits you beyond the noise in your mind, beyond the guilt, doubt, fear, shame, insecurity and heaviness of the past you carry around.”

I know I will be fine.

I am a mother, a friend, a girlfriend, a sister, a daughter, a brown skinned Dreadlocked sister

Culture and Children

“Losing the language means losing the culture. We need to know who we are because it makes a difference in who our children are.”—Dottie LeBeau

Lefatshe le le senang ngwao, ke moka le latlhegileng (a nation without culture is a lost nation). Culture is beautiful and gives a sense of pride and belonging that we all long for. Components that make up culture should be passed on to the next generations that follow. Things like norms, traditions, values, dance, tales, songs just to name a few should be taught to children so that the legacy does not die out.

“Generations have struggled to learn, despite efforts to eliminate our traditions and language. Having a strong sense of yourself and your community is a great foundation for learning.”—Agnes Chavis, Lumbee

One has to be involved in their culture so that they can be able to know who they are, where they are from and where they are going. Here in Africa, we have been taught the white culture in fact the English language since we were young and we have some how forgotten our ancestral trail and have lost our ways. It is no wonder we are raising our children to only speak English and have done away with our mother tongue; The language that brings us closer to who we are as people.

The only way to develop a strong sense of knowledge of ourselves is if we go back to our roots, that way we will have a better nation. As parents we need to teach our children the essence of language and that losing their mother language is a major dent in the true identity of who they are. Not only is losing language a major problem, it is losing a feeling, an identity, a prayer, an ideology.

Raising children in a fast changing world can be overwhelming, but culture shouldn’t be taken away from them too. They can be a part of the world, interacting with other people of different cultures, tribes and ethnic groups, but they should also be involved in their own culture, knowing everything that makes them know who they are. As a motswana mother, speaking setswana, knowing poems, songs, ceremonies and tales of the batswana, I believe it is of great importance that I teach these to my children, so they can teach the generations to come. Because if I don’t, all these will slowly fade away.

Culture is dynamic yes, but we cannot do away with it completely and pick up a new culture, as if we are saying our ancestors did not know what they were talking about. To understand your culture however, we must know our language.

I am a motswana mother